Finding Freedom

About February’s guest blogger: Tracee Thomas is a 20-something Caribbean-American educator and entrepreneur from New Jersey. She recently made freedom her choice and spends her days writing on the beaches of Dominica. She is passionate about seeing young African Americans reach their potential. She is the founder and creative director of Empress Movements International, a marketing company that works to celebrate the contribution of people of the African Diaspora. The opinions and views expressed in this Post are exclusively the writer’s own.

This morning, I took my first rain water bath. Yup, it’s exactly what it sounds like. See here in Dominica (not to be confused with the Republic), everyone puts their old barrels outside to collect rain water to use if when they (meaning the government)  “take di water,” as they call it here when the government owned water company pulls the water supply for sometimes as long as 48 hours. Sometimes it’s the water. Sometimes the island will not have eggs or fish (how an island doesn’t have fish, I haven’t quite figured out yet). Other times, it’s just a completely archaic method of providing service. At almost all times, it is the antithesis to the quick fix, Burger King, have it your way lifestyle I grew up with in America. Despite the fact that both my parents were born on this island, my father asks me everyday how in the world I can tolerate this level of “backwardness.”

But for me “backward” is relative. Before I left the States, I was tired of the “backward” way in which students who needed the most were given the most inexperienced teachers and the worst resources. I was tired of the backward way in which I feared getting sick because of the cost of healthcare. I was tired of the backward ways in which people kept trying to convince me that going into debt to obtain an education, or to obtain a roof to put over my head was normal. I was tired of the inexplicable boundaries that seemed to follow me because of the color of my skin and the gender God decided I would be.

This place, despite all of its inconsistencies and complexities, is where I have felt more freedom than any other place in the world. This place is far from perfect, but it is also far from the only reality I used to know. It is impossible to come to a place that is so vastly differently than everything you are used to, and not become self aware, not to realize the potential for change, and come to peace with the balance in between. To experience a place where everything you eat is literally grown around you, and there is food in such abundance that at times it covers the ground like leaves in the fall, to see families who have survived for generations in a house the size of the bedroom I shared with my sister growing up, who are perfectly happy and quite generous, to wake up every day to the sound of a river across the street, a view of the mountains from my front window, and a view of the Caribbean sea from the back, there is no way I can be here and not be reminded of how simple life really can be. Of how easy it is to put people first. To make our priorities something other than the acquisition of material things and titles. We spent so much of our time in America aspiring to astounding heights. Jumping from one milestone to the next, in some cosmic 100-meter dash, to become the first… the most… the best. Most of us don’t even know what race were running, only that someone set us on the hamster wheel and we thinking we’re on an Olympic track, running for the gold.

It feels great to be out of the rat race, even if only temporarily and I’m grateful to fellow members of my tribe like Ms. Nafeesah who are circumventing the hamster wheel as well. It is up to our generation, the so called Millenials, or for Black folks, the great grandchildren of the Black Power babies, grandchildren of the buppies and the crack generation, for us to define the legacy we are creating for ourselves and leaving for those behind us. Older generations have tried to convince us that that reflection is a luxury for the rich and/ or white. As if exploration is not our birthright (ask Ivan Van Sertima what we were up to long before Columbus!). But we who grew up under the rubble of 9/11, graduated into the recession that rivaled the Great Depression, watched our parents struggle to provide, still retire fearful of inflation and Medicare, know differently. We saw our parents’ version of the American dream tumble like the prices of their homes and the value of their 401 K, if they were lucky enough to have either in the first place. It would be a crime for us to continue to march into the same slow death. It is necessary for us to pause, to reflect, to define success and freedom and follow our definition, wherever it may lead.

The world is ours. As an educator, I’ve learned that the single most impactful way to teach is through comparing and contrasting. There is no reason why we still have to be limited to anyone else’s predetermined Dream.  If we are to learn a new way, to do something different, to author a new dream that is more inclusive of our truest desires, we must begin by experiencing an alternative. We owe it to ourselves. Wall Street will be there. Your career will be there. The place that you grew up in, have known your whole life, it is not going anywhere. Take the time while you are healthy, young, and forming the values that will guide you for the rest of your days to go out and challenge everything that you know to be so you can stand firmly in your convictions before you pass them onto to your children. This year, in honor of Black History Month, I encourage you to apply for your passport. If you already have a passport, throw a dart at the map and choose a location to visit this year. If money is looking a little funny, reprioritize. If my momma could raise a family of 4 on what most of us are making coming straight out of school, there is no excuse for us, other than what we choose to do with our money instead. Make freedom a priority. Stop living the American Dream and create your own reality, best experienced when you are fully awake.

You can read more from Tracee at www.memoirsofanempress.wordpress.com.

Reflection Eternal

They ask me what I’m writing for… I’m writing to show you what we fighting for. Being outside of the great 50 states has me feeling more American than ever this new year. So forgive me if this comes off like an Uncle Sam (or UncleTom) commercial during the broadcast of the ball drop… but you’re already reading… so you’re stuck:

Ask me what I do and I’ll have to say, ‘I have decided NOT to live the American dream, but to participate in a process that permits others to do so.’ I feel most American when I’m not actually in America. I serve my country by living outside of it, acting as a representative of America, helping to decide who can and cannot come to America – How truly un American.

How does one define un American? I’m not sure exactly, but its something like living as if you’re always wearing a brand new pair of shoes. They look nice. Shhheeeeeittttt, you look great! But you’re uncomfortable, despite your intentions to fight the feeling. It’s an unsettling that can grow to the point of being prohibitive. That’s the majority of my adult days in the 48 contiguous. And it’s not something I fully grasped until now. I’m learning that I’m not alone in this sentiment, but most like me have already made their exodus. When joined with these atypical Americans in far flung places, I realize that this roving lifestyle is where I feel safest in my own skin, unapologetically sure of who I am and what I am not – normal, that is.

I am not your average American. And, let me say, your average American expat is certifiably cooler than your average American townie, hands down. Don’t debate with me on this, I’ve thought it through. We might have a few more loose screws and a more liberal policy on the use of controlled substances, but we are the adventurous types. We don’t fear planes. We don’t think home is a house. We can’t answer ‘where are you from?’ with a straight face. We’re used to being lied to. We don’t live in a bubble. We spend our money liberally. We live like today is tomorrow and yesterday didn’t happen, because we’re always jet lagged, we don’t have a sense of time, and the possibilities are endless.

Enough about us, more about you. Americans, I’ve learned, often underestimate the power & privilege of their passports – even when they don’t have one. Just by virtue of being American there are many of life’s trials that you don’t experience. Sewers exist. Safe drinking water pipes into your house. Streets are passable. You have public transportation and welfare for goodness sakes! Despite the inequities and disparities, America presents the most opportunities for its populace – above and beyond anywhere else I’ve ever visited or lived. And frankly, our rich don’t do rich like other people do rich. I mean – the other day, I wanted to ask this lady if a diamond mine exploded over her entire life. We don’t bling like Indians bling. We don’t trick out cars like Southern Spaniards trick out cars. We don’t do palaces like Middle Easterns do palaces. Sometimes we have an inflated sense of self, but most of what we lack is perspective.

I wish it was on sale at Walmart for New Years, because then everybody would be able to get some. I know this is the season for turning over a new leaf and believing we are capable of doing things in the new year that we’ve never been capable of in our entire lives. It’s a time to set high hopes and build unrealistic expectations, that still may deliver us to a happier medium than the habits we currently employ. We say we’re going to live in the now and love smarter, live bigger, act better. Well, my resolutions from 5 years ago are pretty simple and they ring true every day. So why change a good thing?

1- STAY AWAY FROM UGLY PEOPLE: Ugly people exist in all shapes, forms and stripes, but what they have in common is that they permit themselves to behave badly because they’d rather not address the fact that they’re spiritually vacant. I can’t be around these people because that isht is contagious and their company is a poor reflection on me.

2- BUILD THAT BEACH CHAIR: Jay-Z ain’t never lied

3- USE THE PRESENT TO LIVE PURPOSEFULLY: Barnard women are always ’bout that work. As my fellow alumna wrote, ‘Do yourself a favor, instead of being sorry, just enjoy being yourself.’ These words are applicable outside of the context in which they were originally delivered. Doing & being better begins with simply being honest about what that means and having the back bone to live it out, unapologetically.

Here, there and everywhere I’ve seen how not living in my own skin has resulted in a dream deferred. And while I was perfectly fine reading revolutionary Cape Verdean writers in soul food restaurants in DC, and dancing to Zouk at clubs near Grand Central Station, I’m thankful to ring in the New Year in the reality that I’m reading contemporary New England writers while eating Chinese food in Thai restaurants, and listening to young American rappers while shopping in Indian boutiques.  I’ve learned to be ok with not being normal. At this point, I’m pretty convinced that diversity actually lives on the tips of my eyelashes, and every time I blink I send a little bit more out into the world – for the taking. That’s my truth.

Perhaps I’m resolved to unapologetically live without borders and to be the center of my own universe, because it just feels so good. I wish I could box it up, sell it on the black market and send the surplus wrapped in gold leaf to my friends, family & frienemies. I make no secret of the fact that this time last year, I didn’t think I’d make it to this day. So in this day and every day forward, I feel obliged to live my truth; I accept that God makes no mistakes, coincidences don’t exist, and I got work and atoning to do. Now that I am able to step back, oceans away from my abnormal norm, I realize that happiness is like a new pair of retro Jordans in Atlanta – in short supply and in high demand. “And no one’s takin’ mine…”

I’ve chosen to live on the other side of the world, and that – my friends – has taught me a thing or two about living purposefully happy. In general, I don’t advise skipping town and country, but at some point you have to stop expecting a different result from the same situation. It’s time to get some perspective.

I’m not too sure how you plan to get your happy/ healthy fix this new year, this new month, this new day. But, I do wish you well on your journey to finding it and living it; and I am at your disposal to assist in whatever way I can to help you take steps forward. My progress is yours and yours mine… we’re worlds apart, but ultimately in this together. And while we are truly beautiful just as we are today, we are too privileged for mediocrity of any hue.

Now watch [we] work…