Teaching to the Choir

Takiyah Gray is a Brown University alum, who is currently an elementary school teacher in Vietnam. With her Trinidadian passport in tow, she treks the world in search of good eats, teaching opportunities, and sane couch surfers. She is a talented dancer and yogini, whose Trini roots keep her near tropical beaches as frequently as possible. Existabovethenoise.com readers may remember her as the friend I was staying with in Thailand back in January – check out the My Thai post.

We’re not in Thailand anymore, Toto. Sure, there are still roosters crowing at all hours of the day. Yes, there are street vendors hawking their wares—from fly-flecked pork innards to hanging pieces of chewy, salted squid, to the ever present random assortment of locks of various shapes and sizes. But this is Vietnam, and the people here sure do not like to smile at the odd looking stranger.

Some people think that the best moments of life unfold when you put yourself outside of your comfort zone. In her latest book, Committed, a mere $2.50 per Xeroxed copy in the backpacker district of Ho Chi Minh City, Elizabeth Gilbert agrees. She says that “I had ago learned that when you are the giant, alien visitor to a remote and foreign culture, it is sort of your job to become an object of ridicule.” For better or worse, I have been happily toeing that uncomfortable line for much of my existence, ever since my mother decided to bring me from Trinidad to America at the age of 2. Maybe this initial trip is what sealed my future as a world traveler, because since then, I’ve been crafty and fortunate enough to peak into life in countries like Sweden, Brazil, and Spain. (I say crafty, because anyone that knows me KNOWS that there had to be an ulterior motive to joining the glee club back in high school– clearly it was the summer trip to France). Not surprisingly though, nowhere has that discomfort been more present than here in South East Asia. Here, I am a complete foreigner, and boy do I stand out. In this part of the world, it’s not just my language that pegs me as different, but my height, my skin tone, everything that I’ve ever used to define myself. And believe you me, wherever I am the locals cannot wait to figure out what a tall black woman is doing in their country of size 4 shoes and K-pop idolizations. Though we in America are proud to have elected our first black president 4 years ago, many people on this side of the world are still incredulous that Americans can look like me. Add to this the fact that I still retain my Trinidadian citizenship and people are all the more confused. I, myself, pause to figure out which country I will say I am from today—do I go for the mildly puzzled look when I say that I am from the US or the completely dumbfounded look as I try to explain about where the Caribbean is?

No one needed this geography lesson more than a woman I recently interviewed with. Now, as a visitor in South East Asia, I am grateful for the opportunity to work as a teacher. It’s a downright privilege when my peers and I can travel, work and realize a standard of living that is generally higher than most of the population around us (simply because we speak English and carry TEFL degrees). My year of living in a beachside house on a Thai island was made possible by precisely these things. But they aren’t always enough, and apparently, having made the move to Vietnam, I was starting at square one all over again.

At this particular interview, I quickly learned that I was missing — what in the Dominican Republic they call — “buena aparencia.” Instead of a normal interview, where the trained and professional interviewer and skilled and eager interviewee go back and forth about the school, expectations and relevant work experience, I spent the entire time trying to prove that no, Trinidad and Tobago was NOT a country in South Africa (?!) and that YES I grew up with English as my first language. The interview ended with a cold, “If you are short-listed for a position, I’ll let you know in a few months.” The entire “interview” lasted a grueling 10 minutes. I had spent more time that morning trying to figure out an updo for my twists! Never before had I been in such a hostile interview environment. Later that night I spent many hours plotting the exact flavor of the very pointed email that would say thanks but no thanks, up yours, and oh yeah, I’ve attached a world atlas for your convenience.

Was I surprised that this level of ignorance could come from a fellow educator? The sad truth is no, not really. The fact is, before embarking on this journey almost 2 years ago, I had braced myself for many more scenarios like this one. Fortunately for me, Thailand never presented an issue, and I was able to find work without problems. Now that I’m in Vietnam, however, other brown-skinned expat friends, namely Filipino teachers who face similar prejudices, have warned me about this kind of overt racism. I’ve heard of many different ways to this overcome the issue, including lying about citizenship and leaving out the requisite photo that most schools ask for in their applications. What’s a girl to do?

For the most part, I realize that I travel to learn and to have others learn about me. So I put up with the stares, the odd looks, the oogly eyes, and the scores of parents with varying levels of discretion nudging their children as I go past, to make sure that they catch a glimpse of me. I spend the extra 10 minutes at the grocery stores, hunting out the soaps and lotions and deodorants that don’t have whitening ingredients in them. I choose the work environments where I know I will be treated with respect. I know many expats, mostly men, who are happy to make the permanent leap over to this side of the world. Me? I am grateful for the experience to observe these moments; at the end of it all, I’ll be glad to get back to my little corner of Kansas..erg…Boston.

Beauty Tips for the Trav’lin Woman

I have traveled to 5 continents over the last 10 years and with each trip I learned a little something new about beauty. Where there is beauty there is fashion, where there is fashion there is haute couture. And no matter where in the world you may be, there are many (not) ‘it girls.’ We have all met them. In their own context, within their own country, they think that wearing a combination of caked on makeup, kohl and threads from a 90s music video solidify their position as the hottest thing since fresh baked Krispy Kreme donuts.  Suffice it to say, the misses are many. But among them are a few quintessential hits. Often as overpriced as watermelon at Whole Foods, the hits seem to cost a fortune. That’s what credit cards are for (right, Suze Orman?). Without bemoaning the issue, I’ll simply say that there are 5 beauty lessons for a normal budget that I have learned in my travels. They haven’t failed me yet.

5 – Baby powder ($2-4): This one I first learned in high school, so biggups to Massachusetts suburbs! At the tender age of teens, I learned that I am the notoriously sweaty girl. Back, boobs, pits, if it has a name – it’s sweating. So, at every school dance I was the girl who walked around with paper towels and stood right near the fan. Or (literally, I did this – multiple times) I was liable to wipe my whole face on a guy’s tshirt in the middle of a song. The sweaty face thing I have found to be unavoidable, though some people find blotting sheets ($5) very useful. But, baby powder was awesome with every place else. Don’t lay it on too thick, or else you’ll look like Casper. An even layer on all the important places will do. I’m not sure if it simply blocks your pores or takes your sweat glands out to dinner and a movie, but my powder wing man hasn’t failed me yet.

4 – Eyebrow shavers ($3-5): A colleague and I were in Pakistan talking about the woes of the femmestache. I shared how, originally, I didn’t think mine was that noticeable, but whenever I wore dark lipstick my 5 o’clock femmestache would reappear. And then there were the nice ladies (read: bastards) at the eyebrow threading shop who always asked if I wanted to have my upper lip done too. One day I was too weak to resist and I agreed to what turned out to be the worst idea ever. I felt like someone was pulling the skin off my face one millimeter at a time. So, I tried waxing. Less pain, I thought. Sure, less pain. But as it turns out my upper lip looked 2 shades lighter than the rest of my face and I had bumps and red irritation for a week. This colleague gave the “pishaw!” to all my woes and told me a beauty secret I’ve only told 2 other people in life: Go to your drug store, by a pack of eyebrow razors and use them – liberally – on your upper lip, while in the comfort of your own home! The hair doesn’t grow back thicker, you’ll never cut yourself, you won’t get bumps and you can finally tell those eyebrow ladies to suck it!

3 – Black eye makeup ($2-20): If you’ve ever been to Dubai you know that a woman can be covered from head to toe and still be the most gorgeous creature on the planet.  It seems that Emirati women, like most Muslim and Middle Eastern women, go all out on the eye makeup. Most don’t bother with Wet & Wild colors.  They delve straight into the smoky eye. I was traumatized by a few raccoon eyes in my NJ days and I was a bit skeptical about stealing the kohl look for myself. But, I tried wearing it to carnival in Salvador da Bahia back in 2008 and my eye makeup and I have never parted since. Anybody who knows me knows that no matter how ‘nude’ my look, I feel naked without mascara and black liner. Some situations don’t require using both, but no matter what – eye definition never hurt nobody. Actually, it makes most women’s facial features POP. Not that you asked…but I’m personally not a fan of liquid liner. Any pencil will do. And my favorite mascaras are Cover Girl’s Lash Blast and MAC’s Haute & Naughty Lash Mascara.

2 – Choose your Shoes ($20-$250): I have bought shoes all over the world, and hands down my favorite place to go shoe shopping is in Sao Paulo, Brazil (New York is second and Geneva, Switzerland is a far off third). They are affordable. They are fun. And they are always avant garde. Enough about the shoe shopping capital of my world. The point here is that if you have a good pair of shoes, you have an outfit.  Most of us ladies go from day to evening unexpectedly. But that doesn’t mean our wallets can justify buying a completely new outfit on our lunch break. Who woulda thunk that tonight would be the night that el Hunk-o who works upstairs would call and ask if you want to grab drinks after work? Or that your boss would volunteer you for an offsite speaking event? Well, choose your shoes wisely ladies and don’t be afraid to pack an extra pair (I usually wear flats and keep the real foot candy in my bag). As we speak, I have three pairs of shoes at my desk at work. Sneakers – in case I’m ready to work out or need to Usain Bolt out of the building because of a sudden emergency (yes, I’m changing shoes!).  A pair of black suede pointed toe pumps, because even though they hurt like hell they go with everything.  And a pair of comfortable brown peep toe stilettos, cuz’ you never know when you have to go to an outside meeting with male colleagues. They always walk too damn fast, but expect you to keep up and still be at eye level. Needless to say, having these stock shoes in the office mean that I can come to work wearing flip flops or stripper boots — depending on my mood — and I’m prepared for whatever the day brings. It’s cheaper to change shoes on a whim than to have to buy a wardrobe every time the schedule changes. And, invest the time in finding a good cobbler. It is much easier to maintain a pair of shoes you love than to replace them every time they are nicked.

1- Act your age, not your shoe size (PRICELESS): Perhaps this one is universal, but episodes of Mob Wives would have me believe that Long Island may have missed the memo.  Wear age appropriate clothing! And by age, I don’t just mean the years you have spent on this earth – I also mean the spirit of your body type. When I was 13, I couldn’t wear Mandee’s clothes. Why? Because, I had the body type of an 18 year old, not that of the tween those threads were made for. So, I had to suck it up and move on to other brands that weren’t so offensive to the eye.  That said, there is a lot of variety in the ‘age appropriate’ category, and that’s where you get to wear your common sense on your sleeve, literally.  Knowing  what looks good and feels good on your body requires lots of honest introspection. You better do it girl, because the fashion 5-0 are out there and they’ll write you a ticket and NEVER tell you about your violation. You can’t always trust other people to give you good feedback, so do your homework and wear things that flatter the body you do have – not the body you wish you had. Wear (your clothes) maturely!