Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author alone.
Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen,
Sorry to disappoint you today but this is not Nafeesah NMN Allen. My name is Andrew J. Lucas and I am here to wish this lovely lady a Happy Birthday and to attempt to entertain her followers with a guest blog entry. I am a mathematician and not a writer, so please forgive me for any grammatical errors or misspellings. Also realize that my writing skills pale in comparison to the birthday girl’s.
I guess I can start off by telling the story of how Nafeesah and I met. Allow me to paint the picture. It was the summer of 2008 and I was at a Bali yoga retreat. I noticed another person of color (Negro) and she even had locs. I figured I would introduce myself and possibly convince her to re-twist my locs on the weekends. Lo and behold she was from the States too. She told me that she was originally from New Jersey, so I knew there was an 85% chance that she was involved in a gang, but then I asked myself: “Self, do gangsters go to yoga retreats?” Yoga is one of those things you can’t really picture a gangster doing, like grocery shopping, cutting coupons out of a Sunday newspaper, or listening to the new Justin Bieber Christmas album. With that, I assumed it would be safe to hang with her. Fast forward into the future when I moved to DC, I realized that she had recently moved to the District as well. At this point I decided to google her to make sure she didn’t have any outstanding warrants. I learned three interesting facts from googling “Nafeesah Allen.” She graduated cum laude from Barnard Women’s College (she probably didn’t get much action in undergrad), she was the editor-in-chief of a Newark magazine, and she speaks Portuguese at an intermediate level. Next, I reached out to her and somehow we became great friends (I’d even say she’s like a sister to me). Now, on to the blog post for today.
I celebrated my 30th birthday a month and a half ago so I feel like I’m an expert on all things 30. Since turning 30 I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what things I should and shouldn’t be doing. I had to officially retire all of my tall tees/jerseys, and I decided not to wait in line for the Air Jordan XI concords (we get money and we just trying to have fun).
Things You Should and Shouldn’t Be Doing When You Are 30:
- Save for Retirement. All of my friends will tell you that I spend a lot of time focusing on money and finances, so of course, my first item obviously involves money. Once you hit 30 you should start saving for retirement, if you haven’t started already. Accrued interest is your best friend and the more years you have on your side, the better. We all know that the Republicans are making it their mission to get rid of both Social Security and Medicare. Make sure you stack your paper so you can take care of yourself when you’re old.
- Know the Real from the Fake. Know who you should and shouldn’t be friends with. I realize that we use the term “friend” loosely these days and I don’t have a big issue with it as long as we can internally differentiate between friends and non-friends. Sometimes these non-friends are associates, coworkers, or friends of friends. What you need to focus on is the expectations you have for each of these individuals. Most people get burned when they place someone in a category that they don’t belong in.
- Dress Accordingly. My older brother once told me that the number one rule of fashion is to wear clothes that fit your body type. Since that day I have given up baggy jeans and XXL shirts. Because I have a slim build I stick to slim fit clothing. For example, Rick Ross should never wear skinny jeans, Snoop Dogg shouldn’t wear size 45 jeans, and Lil’ Wayne is just being ridiculous by wearing jeggings.
- No Jersey Shore. You should not move to New Jersey. I will make exceptions for anyone who has previously lived there or has immediate family living there but aside from that there is no good reason for you to move to this state. From what I’ve seen on gangland and Jersey Shore, New Jersey is where most gangs have their headquarters. Just think about it, when was the last time you saw House Hunters New Jersey (not neva)?
- Have self-control. Originally I was thinking about making this one, “you shouldn’t live beyond your means” or “you should be able to turn down smash” or even “you should be able to eat a healthy diet.” Then it came to me, these all require self-control. When I was 18 I can recall wanting to f*ck every girl in the world (young money!), spending my money on putting two 12” speakers in my trunk before paying rent (hood rich!), and drinking chocolate milk with chocolate donuts on random weeknights. Talk about living the dream! Now I’m grown so I just smash my fiancé (hey baby!), save 20% of my pre-tax pay check (winning!), and eat salads with my lunch (yuck!). It aint easy but we gotta grow up.
- No fighting! You should never, ever get into a fight. At this point I’d hope you have too much to lose by getting into a physical altercation with a stranger or even a person that you know. By 30 you should have complete control of your emotions and know when to walk away from a bad situation. Plus, you don’t want to be on WorldStarHipHop as the 30 year old dude that got knocked out outside the club.
Feel free to add to the list or dispute my list.
Once again I’d like to thank Nafeesah for allowing me the privilege of guest blogging today. I am sorry that I won’t be able to spend her birthday with her but I’ll be there in spirit and there is always Skype. We all love you and miss you. Btw, the H&H bagels and the key lime pie are in the mail.
Please click the link below and join me in singing Happy Birthday to Ms. Allen.