I went home and realized that I was clearly fat again. Kinda sucks, right? Right! Apparently my family and friends are better at lying to me than I am to myself to because they seemed to not remember the time when I was a visible size 4/6. But, I REMEMBER! And the current me and that skinny girl are on a quest to be reunited.
Are there unique obstacles I face? Yes. I can’t breathe the air in this city, so walking outside for a few laps during lunch is out of the question. While we all have to reduce our calorie intake, most people I know aren’t worried that there’s clarified butter and MSG in every meal they eat in a restaurant. But, those are my realities and not excuses.
What about the advantages of putting my fat foot down? Well, in Delhi the cost of a personal training session (in home) is $20 a pop. My maid could cook every meal if I wanted her to. And, frankly, lipo is cheap. Add it all up and I’ve got my mojo back.
I’m ready to try again to be a more fit, healthier me. While this would seem to be a singular process, I imagine that this would take a toll on my friends and family too. How many articles from Men’s Health can I send to work mates before they get pissed? And how many times can I turn down a host’s overtures to have a sugary, sypurey Indian sweet before they are all out offended?
Here’s a short list of the ways that I believe my workout plan will affect those around me. Forgive me in advance and thanks for your support!
5- I’m going to be a lot less fun to be around: I can’t drink as much alcohol or eat out at as many random restaurants. I can’t even consume the proper amount of calories per day for a person of my height and that means I’ll be a grumpy camper. We all know how much I love food, and just the thought of not having it makes me a Debbie Downer. So, don’t take it personally when I try to eat your hand.
4- I’m going to say “I’m so fat” a lot. Don’t try to stop me: I do not have an eating disorder (anymore, j/k) and I don’t have weird body image issues. I just know that I’m fat right now. So, don’t try to dissuade me. It will not turn out well for you. Trade comments like “you sure can’t tell” for “you sure hide it well,” because I will not buy the idea that I am not visibly bigger having gained 15 pounds in a year. I’ll just consider you a liar or clinically blind.
3- I’ll tell you now that I don’t want to go clothes shopping with you: You can fit things and I can’t. So, yea… no!
2- You should discourage me from buying shoes: When I go overboard shoe shopping, it means I’m trying to find a way around the fact that I can’t go clothes shopping. Yes, I am a shoe freak, but the freak goes Frankenstein haywire when I can’t fit any clothes. If the shoes are particularly fabulous, be prepared to stand down. But, if they are peep toe stilettos, just know that I am trying to overcompensate. Remind me how many training sessions I could pay for with those shoes!
1- I do plan to be your skinn(ier) friend some day and I swear I’ll make up for everything I put you through! I’ll be lighter on my feet when we go dancing, and I’ll make you fresh fruit juices and bake you vegan cupcakes that actually taste good. I don’t plan to be Oscar the Grouch forever, just until I’m satisfied that I am no longer shaped like Big Bird.