Mother, have a seat…

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workflexibility.org

Dear mom,

For the last few years, I have been focused on parenting. I am a new parent, I’m a Capricorn, and I’m selfish – what can I say? I was in my own world, nesting, and trying to find my new normal. Needless to say, I wanted to be a hermit and really hoped the world would allow me an introvert’s reprieve to get my bearings straight. Welp, I’m sorry. I apologize. I repent. Maybe all my praying and wishing brought upon us “the ‘rona.” I know, I’m blessed and highly favored. So, maybe my words went straight to God’s ear and now we all are getting our third eye poked.

I mean, this can’t only be for my benefit. I have to believe that Mother Earth also wants a break. I mean, we’ve ignored Al Gore since 2006. Did we think Greta Thunberg traveled without back up? And it has been a solid half a decade since I first asked you to have a seat. I mean, over my lifetime, I asked you to have a stadium full of seats. And, you – unlike God – don’t always listen to me. You just recently started staying in the house one day a week and that, in fact, took years. But, alas, here I am thinking you’d listen to the CDC and the WHO, and whoever else is scaring Americans these days. But, nah…

I text you this week and you tell me that you are at Staples. Staples? F8CKING easy button… Staples? Like, delivers within 5-7 business days, only has office supplies and a cavity-inducing check out counter, basic everyday a&$ STAPLES!  Yes, my mother, is in there… looking for something they’re probably sold out of and that probably is fully in stock at a corner-man bodega or our neighborhood Walgreens. And, through the phone, I gave you this face…

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Credit: Getty Images – Getty of Greta Thunberg

So, this got me to thinking. Who else does God want to sit down? Clearly, me. And God and I agree wholeheartedly on that. For sure, China… like all of it. And clearly, also, you! But, why won’t you (and so many Baby Boomer/ Generation X cuspers) smell what the Rock is cooking? Remember all those expressions I heard come out of your mouth over the years: fast a$&, hard-headed, never satisfied, rushing to get to a red light, busy body, etc.? When I talked to you, they all came to mind.  I said came to mind, not my mouth (or fingertips). But, I’ve resorted to public shaming, because I realize I am not alone in my quest to get my parents to stop playing games. When news reports say that ‘VIDY affects older people – they are talking about you! Sit down… watch Netflix (and chill, if you must)… but please stay out of Staples.

Those of us who considered ourselves parents, employees, dog-lovers just a month ago, now are re-considering ourselves as children. In just a few weeks’ time, we’ve become the adult children of grown-ass kids who are super defiant and intent on telling us what they’re NOT going to do. It’s like adult teenagers were let loose on the world and they have their own roofs and their own money, so us kids can’t ground them.  They don’t realize we want what’s best for them. They think we’re being silly and over-reacting. After all, they think they can take care of themselves and all of the warnings can’t possibly be for them. They don’t realize that we are legit scared that they could end up a statistic. And, most of all, they don’t think they’re old…

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In spirit, mom, I’m with you. You’re not old. You can’t let fear win. If it’s your time, it’s your time. But, do we need to go tempting fate all up and through a friggin’ office supply store?

Do me a solid and extend to me a courtesy I never extended to you – stay put. Sit still. Relax. Chill B.

And if I call you again and you’re out doing some mundane, boring, unnecessary thing that does in fact threaten your life (i.e. going out to buy anything that can be delivered) there will be some furniture moving (when I get back to America).

Don’t make no sense…

XO,

Your big baby.

1 thought on “Mother, have a seat…

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