Speechless

Sphinx in ParisI’ve been at a loss for words of my own since I came to Mozambique 8 weeks ago. What started off as a career journey, much like others before it, has turned into a much more enigmatic scene. I’m on an assignment that makes me sometimes wonder why I chose this career – sometimes that’s a good thing and sometimes it’s a bad thing. I’m struggling to make sense of the things around me, but they are not innately problematic. I just don’t understand everything that’s going on. But, I’m not the type to need to know everything, generally speaking. So, there are superficialities I’ve come to tolerate and others that raise questions I don’t have time to find answers to. Another thing I tolerate.

I’ve been in pursuit of stability, but it continues to allude me. It’s taken two months to finalize an application for a PhD program across the border. It’s taken two months to realize that my house is always going to be half complete, because I’m always in the process of packing or unpacking. I considered staying here for three years, rather than two, but many things have made me doubt that I should. I’m struggling to get to know my in-laws and at times I struggle with whether or not I should try. I’m planning a three-part wedding on two continents, all while battling a sea of people that very openly question my relationship. I’m drowning in demands at precisely the time in my life when I had hoped I could coast. And that, my friends, has given me few words to pen.

Instead I’ve called home to a sorority of sisters who have never failed to listen to my tales. While Charlie, Juanita, Leo, Elyse, Alyson and Melissa have suffered through my litany of complaints, I’ve been holding back from you. I blame myself for being too much the Capricorn, seeking perfection where it’s not necessary, making ‘appropriate’ the enemy of ‘happy,’ being demanding to a fault, and having standards for myself that far exceed realistic expectations for one life time. I’ve bored these girls to bits with the agony of things that aren’t perfect, but are absolutely fine for normal people. And I’m tired of my own stories. So, shoot me.

Some people would call this stage burn out. You know the moment right before you give the hell up. I call it being speechless. That said, you may see an awful lot of photos and videos on this blog over the coming weeks. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you.  I very much haven’t. I’m just trying to be in the moment, be present, be here – in Mozambique – and figure out what exactly that means.  For now, please forgive me while I follow my good friend Miller’s advice to make like this sphinx and “go sit down somewhere.”

Okay so…

Afrika<— This girl here is really sorry.

 

 

 

 

I’ve been busy. I moved. Not like one time, but like a bunch of times ya’ll!

I’m living out of a cardboard box. I had to sell my dog. I’m eating tuna out of a can. No, really – only one of the previous three sentences was real. You figure out the lies…

Just to keep you good people entertained, I’d like to share with you all the African goodness I’ve been stocking up on. I know you all want me to watch Roots. Practice my Swahili and Twi. Start testing out my Fufu recipes. And figuring out how to identify a Black Mamba in the bush.

But, that’s not all there is to Africa, people!

Sometimes, there’s just good ole’ down home ratchetness. And that’s what I’ve been working on… transitioning my ratchetness from Atlanta to Africa in three easy steps. Check, check, check it out!

Step 1- Act as if your life were one long Azonto mixtape…

Step 2 – And then watch the disaster that is a TV show baby between ‘Showtime at the Apollo‘ and ‘So You Think You Can Dance‘ in a Minnesotan public high school gymnasium.

Step 3- Curl up nice and tight on your sofa or trundle bed to take in a full length Nollywood film feature, for free, courtesy of youtube…

If that ain’t ratchet enough for you, then you are truly a good friend of mine 😉

XO til next weekend, when I’ll have something real to say XO