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About existabovethenoise

I write about what I love and everything I need to learn. Join me on this journey! DISCLAIMER: The views expressed on this blog are of an informational nature, not instructive. This is neither financial nor medical advice. Read for pleasure or leisure.

B*tches in Bangkok

While I sure do appreciate the Black men roaming the streets of Paris, nothing quite compares to being a babe in Bangkok.  This is the home of black market, high quality purses, deep discounts on handicrafts & skimpy skirts, and street food so good you’ll slap your mama. And these things, my friends, make a bombshell quite happy in any city, but let’s ask ourselves “Why Bangkok?”

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Bangkok has pink taxis. And not a subtle Mary Kay pink, either. It is a hot pink that makes you want to eat it up like cotton candy topped with sprinkles and a hint of strawberry sauce. Men aren’t worried about their manhood as they drive the pink passion pick me ups. And that is yet another reason why Bangkok is so awesome. Guys aren’t weirdos. Dudes don’t stare. Men are not hyper masculine. Pink streets scream safety for beauties.

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The streets are also safe because they’re paved. I didn’t realize how important pavement is for femininity, until I moved to India where I quickly traded my high heels for ballerina flats. I’m never sure if I’ll have to walk on a dirt road or if the sidewalk will abruptly end or if I might stumble and fall into a man sized hole while walking around a guy peeing in the bushes. Who worries about that in Bangkok? No one! Not even the ladyboys worry about it, and that’s a ringing endorsement in my eyes.

ImageThere are spas every 10 feet. Massage parlors are open from 10am – 11pm and most of these places actually do give real massages that don’t end in happy endings. How does $10 for an hour massage sound to you? And how about fresh brewed tea afterward? See, I told you that Bangkok was the bomb diggity! No reservations needed and people always greet you with a smile. Not every masseuse is created equal, so I’d recommend the ones nearest Wat Pho.

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Speaking of Wat Pho, let’s face it, b*itches love the Buddha. We’re always trying to get our zen on. Any place with a gold reclining Buddha is exactly where b*tches wanna be! From the gardens to the smaller sized golden buddha collections, this is a pleasant tourist experience that isn’t mired by obnoxious crowds or overbearing hawkers. Chicks dig temples!

ImageNo matter what kinda girl you are, it’s ok to be girlie. No matter how old or young, women in Bangkok primp. No matter how rich or how poor, ladies take pride in their look. Sometimes the look is a work uniform, other times it’s a Mickie & Minnie Mouse t-shirt. All I can say is that being soft and feminine, giggly and glamorous, isn’t a sign of weakness in this town.

The gallery has more on why Bangkok’s got the goodies for all the girlies, and the next time you are fishing for a place to have a man-less vacation – don’t skip over Thailand. Nightclubs are all the rage and VAT refunds are easy to obtain. Good food, catchy music, safe streets, nice people, cheap buys…”it gets the people goin’!”

30 before 30

imagesThis year I turned 28. Sure, in the developed world of Botox and Viagra, 28 is considered young. Back here in the old country, my face is already sagging and I should be in bed by 9pm – or else I’ll turn into a harlot werewolf. I kid.

In reality, I’m straddling two worlds, begging to be taken in as a full fledged member by one or the other – whichever will have me first.  In my latest attempt to court my youth, I decided to reach out to young people in a small city in Uttar Pradesh. Needless to say, I now feel old – very, very old.

So old, in fact, that after two glasses of red wine I’m thinking of how my days to 30 are numbered and few. Before all of my enthusiasm fades and I take to watching old Hitchcock movies while drinking single malts, here’s my list of 30 things I want to do before I’m 30.  I solicit my friends, family & strangers to help me make my dreams come true (not in a Robert DeNiro in Great Expectations kinda way, thank you) in the next 23 months. While this list may seem extreme, it’s only because the life I’ve lived ’til now has been effin’ amazing. #realtoppatop #shouldershrug

In no particular order…

1- Go to Trinidad & Tobago Carnival

2- Sponsor a child’s education

3- Go to Durban, South Africa Durban

 

 

 

 

4- Publish a text

5- Own a safe deposit box

6- Fly a plane

Aschobi Designs

7- Wear a designer ball gown

 

 

 

 

8- Own a business

9- Attend my best friend’s wedding

10- See my eldest godson go to college

11- See my youngest godson smile from ear to ear

12- Pay off all my credit card debt

13- Buy another house

14- See Igacu FallsIgacu Falls

 

 

 

 

 

15- Curate an art show

16- Collect an oral history of my family

17- Drive cross country (USA)

18- Actually learn more about African-American history #dontjudgeme

19- Give a guest lecture at a university

20- Get a grill Hycide

 

 

 

21- Get another tattoo

22- Go on a spiritual retreat/pilgrimage

23- Visit Macon, Alabama

24- Help an Indian girl to get out of poverty

25- Help a Cape Verdean girl to get out of poverty

26- Help a Brazilian girl to get out of poverty

27- Help a Newark girl to get out of poverty Newark

 

 

 

28- Go on a girls trip with my mom

29- Buy a collector’s edition purse #dontjudgeme

30- Be genuinely happy